I love a cool Saturday morning. No formal school will happen today and the day stretches before me filled with seemingly endless possibilities. It is at this point that a perfectionist does one of two things: makes a list and gets started, or becomes frozen by the impossibility of completing all the possibilities and thereby accomplishing none of them. I'm walking that fine line today, trying to find the balance of what needs doing and what can wait another day. Lately it seems like everything is about the immediate need. I'm trying to get ahead and even move forward, but doing so requires much discipline and much letting go.
My friend Christie wrote a great blog on Control. Where I get hung up is thinking that I can control my agenda, or that I even have an agenda at all. Most days I have a general idea, but really no understanding of the events that God will bring to my path. The more tightly I hang on to my agenda the more resentful I am of divine intrusions into time which I control...but wait, control is an illusion. Ah, a quandary.
Instead I have tried sorting my days by priority. Most days, educating the girls is the priority. Inside that priority are many many ways to accomplish my goal, but in some way shape or form, daily education is occurring at my house. Most other priorities fall into a certain sort of order beneath this objective and the lower on the list of priorities they go, the less pressing they are for me to accomplish that day.
Perhaps the most freeing thing about seeing my life in priorities is that it frees me to let go of my lists for God's priorities. His will always tops mine. Whenever I feel like things are falling off track and my day spinning out of my control, I can stop and attempt to focus on God's priority for that day. Inevitably, my agenda toppling is a result of God imposing a divine priority over my human ones. If I can adjust my focus from worldly to divine, He will often reveal to me what it is that is important enough to Him to warrant divine intrusion into the this little life of mine. Inevitably, allowing His priority to be mine, results in blessings beyond my scope of imagining.
The key to all this prioritizing and adjusting is remaining close to God day by day. It requires constant refocus and readjustment to align my thoughts with His, my priorities with His, my goals with His, and some days, I'm really not good at even one aspect of that. But it is getting, ever so slightly, easier to not wig out over lists left uncrossed, projects left unfinished, dishes left unwashed because "something came up" and I recognized it as something God designed for me to be part of.
In the end it boils down to this: there is exactly enough time to finish every single thing that God purposed for me to do. Right now, what God wants me to do is make breakfast, and so I shall.